


By her lens

by Niieyn



Category: Carol (2015)
Genre: F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-10-08 10:44:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17385029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niieyn/pseuds/Niieyn
Summary: Therese Belivet is a photographer who tries at all costs to live in New York and forget about her past. But this is not being as easy as she had hoped it was, and things seem to get even more complicated when her path intersects with the famous actress Carol Aird





	1. By her lens she sees the predator

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all, this is my first Carol & Therese fanfiction and I finally got some courage to publish it.  
> English is not my first language so I already apologize for the mistakes and I hope that y'all can give me advices to improve.

Therese waited patiently, her legs crossed and her attention locked by a silly game on her cell phone. On her wrist the clock indicated that soon the person she would work with would enter through the door.

  
Richard, a friend with a few contacts in a notorious New York magazine, had gotten this job for her, and every now the woman wondered who she was, since she had never received such a high allowance.

  
The irritating sound of denial coming from the device in her hands indicated that she had lost the match again. Shaking her head, Therese got up and walked to the window, her fingers playing with the seam of her pants. The building she was in was pretty tall , leaving her slightly giddy as she looked down, the room in neutral tones, except for the scenographic items, too small, unrefined, and with an excessive cleaning scent, choked her in an unimaginable way, making breath a complex task.

  
In search of some air she forced her delicate hand against the cool glass of the window, her fingertips reddening. Her effort at trying to open the large glass surface was so much that she did not even notice when the door to the room was open and a blond monument leaned on the doorframe, eyes staring at her intently.

  
"Shit!" the grunting left her lips as her hand slid between the thin brown threads of her hair, then turned to face the woman who wore the hint of a smile on her lips.

  
She could not tell if what made all the words leave her mind was the knowledge of how famous the woman in front of her was, the fear of having made a faux pas and lost the work or the stunning and bewildering beauty of the other.

  
"I know some photographers do not particularly like working with me" she trailed her fingers through the light strands, shifting their sides in a precise movement "but try to throw yourself away from a building, you're the first".

  
A subtle sound took over the room as she laughed at her own comment, the gray irises visible beneath the blond lashes that closed as small wrinkles formed in her eyes.  
"Miss Aird" the photographer swallowed, her lips twitching "I ... I just needed some air".

  
Finally the woman entered the room completely, closing the door quietly behind her. Leaving the purse and some bags, which should probably contain the clothes she would wear during the photoshoot, in a corner on the floor. The steps to Therese as if coordinated millimeter, and contrary to the expectations of the younger, who reached for a length, she kissed her face, leaving the place touched by her lips.

  
"So you do not like tight places?" the raised the well-arched brow lifted in amusement, and Therese felt ticklish from the air that left the other woman's lips "it must be a horror for you to work in a place like that, right?"

  
"The food does not appear on the table by herself" the photographer tried a casual playfulness, but her shoulders turned inward clearly showed her discomfort. When nothing else came to her head she decided to do what was being paid for "well, shall we begin?"

  
The strangled voice betrayed her discomfort, but she continued, her hands again playing with the stitching of her pants incessantly.

  
"Whenever you wish, Miss ..." again the suggestion of a smile was displayed above the raised chin.

  
"Belivet, Therese Belivet".

  
"Therese, not Theresa?" the younger woman nodded in agreement as the blonde narrowed her eyes "an interesting choice of name I must admit".

  
An embarrassing silence took over, and Therese's almost imperceptible sound whirling the ring in her ring seemed to her, deafening.

  
"So, how should you have read about what the photos would look like, you most know me,right?" the older woman asked after a clearing her throat.

  
She had not read the specs of the photos, but it was impossible that she did not know one of the most illustrious faces in today's cinema.

  
"Carol Aird, I've known your name since I was thirteen, and I was anxiously waiting for your new movie to go out in the local theaters" the voice came out with a nervous laugh before the photographer could silence herself. She wondered if her first impression would be kept in the mind of the older one would be as bad as she was imagining.

  
"Thirteen hum? And how old are you now?"

  
"I completed 22 last month".

  
Carol took her right hand to the loose threads that framed Therese's face, curling one between her fingers and releasing it immediately, still letting her long fingers traverse the younger's cotton collar.

  
"Fortunately,you are older than I thought" she peered at the photographer's face intently, shrugging and moving away "Your face matches your name".

  
"Thank you, I guees" not wanting a strange atmosphere to dominate the place again she continued quickly "my equipment is ready and since we do not have a dressing room here, I can leave if you want to change".

  
The girl adjusted the sleeves of her shirt incessantly.

  
"I'm already wearing it".

  
After saying that, Carol opened her cream overcoat, revealing the green velvet suit a fair bit. The color fell extremely well over her pale skin, and the combination that was made between the loose tie and some necklaces, both gold and silver , was nothing short of flawless.

  
Not wanting to show how nervous or her lacking in experience, Therese asked her to sit down in the large wine armchair that had been assigned to her.

  
The blonde clearly knew what she was doing, since all postures seemed to come to her freely and spontaneously. The older woman's gaze seemed to burn on the girl's skin and it was inevitable for her to feel like a little mouse trapped next to a fierce cat waiting for the best time to take the strike.

  
The flashes and the strong, clear lights on the actress did not seem to bother her, in fact, Therese doubted that anything was humanly capable of disrupting her. Since she had entered the room, her haughty pose and almost arrogant arrogance had not left for a single moment, and this made the photographer feel somewhat intimidated.

  
"Do you think I should unbutton one of the buttons?" the voice emerged in the metallic clicks of the camera "after all, we have to give more prominence to the jewels, and they insist on hiding in my clothes".

  
Therese glanced up in time to capture the actress's slow, lazy movement, which drew a thin silver chain with her forefinger, revealing a pendant that had run through the gap between her breasts.

  
"We can try, we always have the option to wear it again if it does not work out" choking on the younger one tried to be as professional as possible, but the rigid posture and the light blush on his cheeks did not go unnoticed by actress.

  
Therese continued to photograph her, and with each flashes that left her camera a cold drop of sweat seemed to trickle down the back of her neck, so intense that the woman in front of her stared at her.

  
Pulling down the camera she looked at the actress who was now staring at her with her jaw resting on her left hand, her fingertips beating rhythmically against her skin.  
"I think those were enough, you have another change of clothes, right?" her green eyes scanned the piece of paper that contained information about what she should do.  
In a way, Therese longed for that to end, her hands were sticky, and she feared the actress would notice how often she wiped them on her pants.

  
"Yes" the blonde replied succinctly and without shame she began to undress, the mere glance of her bare shoulders being enough to turn Therese's chest into short inhalations.  
She dug her fingernails into the soft flesh of her palm in an attempt to calm herself, but even as a thin layer of skin came out on her forefinger the inner desperation still dominated her, her lips was curved and her nose wrinkled. In a act of pure fearshe asked with the voice fails:

  
"Do you mind if I smoke a cigarette while you change?"

  
"Not at all" the woman was still turned, but Therese did not need to see her face to know that her blond eyebrows were arched, the upright posture of the other was enough for her.

  
No sooner had the door shut behind her, Therese scolded herself mentally, it was clear that the cigarette story was a tattered excuse since she had not taken any packets with her. Only the yellow lighter was there, his weight on your pocket reminding her that bad habits are hard to leave behind.

  
Too eager to stand in one place, the girl started to walk, her gaze steadily falling on her wristwatch, wondering how long it would take for the woman to change.  
When her body was already warm from the walk she returned, stopping in front of the door, hands clasping each other. Taking a deep breath she felt the cold metal on the sore palm if her hand was pulled down and the sound of the hinges curving.

  
She had to bitw her tongue to close her eyes at the sight of a Carol Aird covered only by a purple silk robe tied by a belt of the same fabric. She was sitting in the wine armchair, now her chest was naked of any jewelry, exposed as well as the legs that seemed to compete with the silk which would be softer to the touch.

  
Therese suppressed the urge to run and entered the room again, her hands in her front pockets to keep the trembling of her fingers from spreading across the rest of her body.  
"I thought in your occupation you'd be more calm about nudity" the woman did not look at she, seemed preoccupied with the knot of her robe, her long fingers carelessly smoothing the dark fabric.

  
Since Therese spoke no more than a confused grunt, Carol continued.

  
"When I kissed you I did not smell nicotine, which indicates that you never smoked or doesn't do it for a long time. Before leaving, you did not take a pack, which added to the little time it took to return and the altered state of your breathing leads me to think that nudity, in the case my nudity, constrains you" she arched an eyebrow as if asking for confirmation of her thoughts "and if I may say so, shame about it is a very rare thing to see in your occupation area".

  
At the silence of the girl, who was staring at the floor, wishing she could get in there, the actress deigned only to left a loud laugh escapes, the movement of her head making the blond strands slide down her face.

  
"Do not worry, I'll keep your weakness only for me".

  
Failing in keep eye contact,the photographer walk to her camera still a little stunned, her mind seemed a bit aerial because of the embarrassment and memories that dominated her. It was almost impossible for her to see that the nakedness of others was not accompanied by negative thoughts.

  
Therese could feel the redness creep up her neck and rise up to her face, burning her cheeks insistently. Clearing once more the sweat from her hands she placed herself behind the lenses, being looked upon by the older one.It was not as Aird's laughter mocked her lack of experience, it was almost as if this was an inner joke between the two, but a joke in which Therese still did not understand.

  
Ignoring the actress the girl looked at her watch again, sighing then as she felt the rough, gnarled surface of the wooden table while search of her water bottle, which was soon found by the uncertain fingers

  
The black equipment emitted the metallic clicks as they captured the light and amusing image that Carol passed on camera, when the white door was opened subtly to reveal a well-dressed man in a blue suit, the gray wires on the sides of his head indicating that he was no longer as young as he tried to show off with his long tie, his haughty stance, and his oversized shoes.

  
"Miss Aird?" the call sounded more like a throat clearing but it was enough to capture the woman's full attention "you'll have to go if you did not want to miss the conference, we'll have to take a longer route due to a construction".

  
The man stared at the actress with his fingertips, ending in clean and short fingernails, making rhythmic sounds against the wood of the door.

  
Therese could hear a growl low enough not to reach the man's ears.

  
"I'll be ready in five minutes, wait for me in the car" an open smile, showing too many teeth to be true, spread across the actress's face.

  
The man nodded and closed the door behind him. The gleam of amusement had completely left the woman's gaze, and again both irises had a feral glow.

  
She got up and walked over to the brunette, standing at a respectable distance, her right hand shaking as if for a second the thought of touching the younger girl's face was catching her mind, but instead of feeling her hand warm his cheek Therese watched the older woman crossing her arms, her posture fully erect.

  
"A thousand pardons , I'll talk to your superior and make it clear that the guilt of not having completed the essay do not fall upon you" her voice was sharper than when she had spoken earlier.

  
"It's all right" her slender shoulders twitched and her short nails scraped her neck, but Therese quickly scolded herself mentally and slipped both hands into the pockets of her pants, the tips of her fingers contracting over the fabric.

  
Aird's twitching lips indicated all her irritation with that interruption, but no matter how desperately she wanted the youngest, she could not pin anything in her mind to end the tense mood that had settled in the room.

  
Massaging her temples, the woman looked at the discreet watch on her wrist, realizing that the five minutes she would have asked the man had passed.

  
"I really need to go" the realization came out of Therese's gaze.

  
As the photographer remained motionless, constantly moistening her cracked lower lip, the actress anticipated herself and left a quick kiss on the flushed cheek, the firm hand that had been deposited on the bony shoulder making the brunette start. She knew that a farewell would come, just did not expect it to be in the form of a chaste kiss on her face as well as on arrival. In any case it did not seem like much to the actress as she headed for the door.

  
Before she let her body leave the field of vision of the newest Carol, she looked at the long, lean body in front of her for the last time.

  
"I have no doubt that I shall meet you again, Miss Belivet".


	2. By her lens she sees an opportunity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to pay more attention in the grammar and so forth(and I corrected the last one).  
> I don't have to much to talk so, I hope you guys like it

Therese breathed deeply, still seated in the padded armchair where Carol had been a few seconds ago. She was aware that nudity was inevitable in her work and that she should learn to handle it even after all, she just did not know that a simple strip of naked skin would swing her like that.

  
After inhaling a few more times she got up, the sky dark and the orchestra of thunder louder and louder indicated that she should hurry to get to the subway if she did not want to freeze because of the rain again.

  
Gathering all her equipment and carefully storing it in her dark backpack, she looks for the rain cover that she always takes to cover her equipment in case a storm decides to free herself, not finding it anywhere. Outside a lightning flashes the room with different shades of purple.

  
No time to whine about the damn oblivion she closes the ziper hurry enough to pull the skin of her left hand, not caring for the little reddish stain that gradually appears in the place she hurries in to lock the door and down the stairs quickly, stumbling a few times but managing to maintain balance enough to not fall against the incredibly white and icy marble.

  
Passing through the huge glass door of the building she feels the first thick drop fall on her nose and trickle down to her upper lip, the moisture being quickly absorbed by her cracked lips.

  
Doing as much as possible to keep rain from entering the thick fabric of her rucksack, she hastens her pace toward the subway, the flow of people, as well as her nervousness, increasing with every inch she approaches.

  
Looking at her feet, the shabby shoes coming in and out of her field of vision, she buys the necessary ticket, the texture of the paper against her skin reminding her to breathe. She struggles like everyone else to get into the huge, but not so ventilated metallic wagon painted yellow and blue. Warm and strange bodies accidentally touching hers making her breathing ragged again. Therese finds a way to stick her back against the cold wall of the wagon, the jeans fabric of her T-shirt irritating the damp skin because of drops that found way between the nape of the neck and the folded collar of the T-shirt, the indistinct sound of several conversations causes her head to threaten to ache, small sparks travel through her temple.

  
Looking around herself she puts the technique she has used since her childhood in practice again. The fine voice of the social worker finding a way into her memory.

  
"" **Three things you can see** ""

  
Her mind recreates so well the quick touch in her hand and the velvety voice of the red-and-freckled woman that it is almost as if Therese were again in the child-themed room, the walls strewn with decals of colorful animals peeling through the action of time.

  
"A brown hat on the tall man's head to my right, my hands, the lady's shopping bag in front of me " she murmurs to herself.

 

  
"" **Three things you can touch** ""  
"My watch, my backpack, the cold wall behind me" the man in the suit looks at her strangely, but she remains focused on her activity, the accelerated rush of her breathing diminishing.

  
"" **Three things you can hear** ""

  
"The sound of the rails beneath me, a lot of talk, and" She closes her eyes, brows furrowing along with her forehead "Carol's laughter".

  
Immediately she opens her eyes and puts herself on her toes to gain a few inches, her irises dilated, searching for wagon the tall woman with blond hair. Finding her nowhere.  
Blinking at length, she convinces herself that the last thing she heard, however real it may have been, was a dirty trick in her memory, and taking a deep breath she lowered her body again and did her homework again until the female and metallic voice indicate that it is there where it should descend.

  
When she reaches the street again she is immediately drenched by the storm, her short, dark hair sticking to her cheek and forehead, and the wind brings some into her gaping mouth, but the relief of leaving the place crowded with people was initially completely offsets those little inconveniences.

  
With the only key, fastened on a cord to prevent it from being lost, in her hand she traced the path that was missing to her house, bent over her backpack in a vain effort for her equipment not stay waterlogged as she.Once facing the red door of her simple, cramped loft, which looks even smaller than it really is by hiding between an almost always empty cafeteria and a decadent store of fabrics, she gets fumbles with the wet key that slip between her fingers.

  
"Shit!" the groan came out in unison with the creaking of the old rusting hinges.

  
Once out of the reach of the freezing cold drops she bumps over the stairs quickly, a damp trail left behind her.Entering in the apartment she does not bother to turn on the light, she had to make sure that none of her equipment had been damaged, which was almost an illusion. With the drops still running down her thin body, she sat on the butchered but meticulously clean carpeted floor. The jeans t-shirt so glued on her body that any movements become almost restrictive, a dark and growing stain forming around her body and the backpack between her legs.

  
The thin, swaying fingers twist the icy and wet brown strands across her forehead and she hesitates before finally opening her backpack.

  
Everything is irreparably soaked, from the extra lens to the cord she wore to make sure her hands would not betray her and knock the camera down. With increasing despair she spread her hand over her eyes, her nail sores maked minutes earlier blazing in contact with the dark eyelashes.

  
She does not have to try to turn on her camera to know that it will not work, she remembered to have read the whole package, including the local that clearly say to not expose to moisture or water. Therese imagined how she would pay for a new camera, worse, how she would pay the rent in only a few days to expire if her sustenance came exclusively from her photos. She had no one to turn to, and she did not know if Tommy would let her return to work in the restaurant after the fight they had.

  
The sensation of a growing lump in her throat was inevitable and bending over she allowed her complexion to rest on her knees, the contact of the wet tissue with her skin causing a loud noise in the completely silent and dark environment.

  
Her almost immobile body was moved only by the tremors of loud sobs as the strident ringing of her cell lifted her out of the torpor.

  
Taking the old device from her pocket, she read the screen through her tears and answered, she could not afford not to answer.

  
"Thez" Richard's thick, lively voice filled the small environment, she could picture the tall man standing on a bench, the first buttons of the social t-shirt opened, and the bottle of beer being firmly held in one hand while the cell phone was slipping in the other "you do not know what I got for us! A great job at the awards that will happen in one weekends, you can do some photos as a freelancer and I will take the opportunity to establish contacts".

  
" I can not go, I do not have to go because" the photographer's voice faltered and she began rubbing the back of her neck in a constant search for relief from the desperation she felt "the rain ruined everything Richard, I do not have a camera to work with anymore".

  
The silence on the line lasted a few seconds that seemed to Therese for centuries. The metallic taste of the blood she took from her already cracked lips flooding her mouth and leaving her tongue thick.

  
"Do not worry about it, I'll find a way, you know I always do, you just have to thank me later".  
"What do you mean by "thank you?" " the small feet still clad in the green, damp socks that rubbed against the rug stopped immediately.

  
"You know" once Therese says nothing Richard tries again "maybe a dinner after our work at the awards, I deserve it after helping you so much.And you do not have to pay for anything, it's all on me".

  
Out of the corner of her eye, the woman looks at the bills on the bedside table.

                                                                                                                          ✥  
The tall, blonde woman enters the studio with her chin up, the veins of her neck apparent underneath the white skin, the frequent contraction of her lips and the rapid sound of the accompanying heels serving as an indication that all those who are there that she was not in her best day.

  
She was amused by the photographer's shyness, and having her fun taken from her hands was not something she liked, or happened often.

  
Opening with a certain force the door that had her name engraved in gold letters she heads to the single white chair in front of a brightly lit mirror, Carol throws the leather pouch on the table and lets the body relax in the padded furniture behind her, with only one hand she takes the red lighter and a white filter cigarette, lighting it instantly. The pleasant heat of the fire in her nose is soon replaced by the dry and rough taste of nicotine in her mouth and by the slight ardor that the smoke causes in her eyes.

  
"Fire the fire alarm once was not enough for you?" the voice flooded with amusement crosses the room along with the image of the estilist, who, countering all her fashion sense, wore only cheap jeans and a simple button-up t-shirt.

  
"Debbie, my dear" the image of the woman reflected in the large rectangular mirror is enough to draw in Carol's mouth a hint of a smile "You know that nothing is enough for me".

  
"I wished to not know" Ocean gets close enough to the blonde to lay a demure kiss on the covered shoulder, keeping her face close to the actress "I should slap you,not kiss. I got my well-deserved rest take of my hands because the conference of someone here was advanced".

  
The brunette takes advantage while the woman stretching her body and rolling her eyes to take out the cigarette already burned by half of the restless fingers and erase it on the white surface of the dressing table, leaving a black mark in the place.

  
Carol blinks casually as she watches Debbie wiping the ashes with her palm and then filling the smooth surface with the most various make-up marks.

  
"Luckily I'll just have to touch up what you're already wearing" she bends over the blonde's body watching where she'll have to work. The actress mutters something about her cigarette but makes no mention of catching another "For your terrible mood I must presume that they keep you from eating anyone alive today"?

  
"You know I do not devour anyone, I only play a little".

  
The makeup artist rolled her eyes with a laugh, before getting used to Aird and her terrible temper she had also suffered in the hands of the woman, but once a reciprocal affection settled between them, the terror had been replaced by an unimaginable amusement, in all senses.

  
"Are you going to tell me what you did this time?" the brunette smiles as she holds the actress's face by the jaw, no matter how often Aid had been made up, she always dodged of the brushes that tickled her nose.

  
"As if I had done something, you all have me in a very bad concept!" she fakes a false tone of offense and raises both eyebrows in a humorous tone, the hint of a smile back to the thin and naturally colored lips "The photographer was named Therese and I really did not have to do anything this time, she already was on the verge of an attack before I even entered the room. Even though something in her pleased me, I will not miss the chance to have her work with me one more time".

  
Her well-made fingernails drummed in the seat as the gray irises focused on a random spot, the actress's thoughts wander freely. Perceiving her lack of focus, she closes her eyes to restrain herself.

  
"Hmm, should I be jealous?" the makeup artist pinned as usual.

  
Carol opens her eyes just to pace the irises all over her friend's body, her neck slightly arched back with her hand playing with the loose fabric of the makeup artist's thin blouse.

  
"You know I do not like to mix my work with my personal life, you were the exception".

  
The women stare at each other for long seconds before they both fall into a delicate laugh.

  
"That does not work anymore between us".

  
"Not at all".

  
Wiping tears from laughter Carol rises from her chair and walks over to the closet to clothe herself with Debbie's previously chosen, leaving a stark slap in the ocean ass on the way.


	3. By her lens she sees the despair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what y'all are thinking

 

 

Therese stared at herself in the small yellow mirror of the bathroom, she was able to read the despair latent in her eyes, she just did not know if the feeling came from having to repay Richard's help at the end of the night, that the event would be as crowded as the subway she took or the certainty that the woman with the sharp eyes would be there.  
Her hands trembled as she pressed the foundation in the deep dark circles in beneath her eyes, the desire that her makeup take away the fatigue not only from her skin but from the rest of her body dominating her, but she could not give in, not when she had already come so far.By her own merit.

  
Putting the briefcase with the few makeup under the sink, where it was her place, along with an old hair dryer and a glass with some scissors she used to cut her own hair, she went to the bedroom, leaning on the parapet of the window .The wood casement was still warm since the night had just arrived and it was that side of the house where the sun beat most during the afternoon, but she did not care, she liked the heat tickling her skin.

  
The moment of lull was interrupted by the shrill horn beneath her. The photographer looked down and could see Richard waving at her from inside a long blue car, the glittering paint indicating that it had just been polished.

  
Glancing at her equipment, arranged in an organized manner on the desk lined with books already read, she took the key and left the apartment. The cold night wind remembering the storm that had put her in this unfortunate situation.

  
The handle of the car was cold at the touch, as was the leather seat that touched the almost invisible strip of skin left by the dark blouse. The windows were blurred by the cold weather and the scent of cheap male cologne made her disgust enough to to catch her breath as the man approached to greet her, the rough wires that stubbornly remained on Richard's freshly shaved face scraping the woman's soft skin.

  
The kiss on her face took longer than necessary, and Therese did not hesitate to put her hand on the man's chest, a gentle invitation to him move away.

  
"You look beautiful" the animation in the man's voice was undeniable, as was the discomfort that gripped Therese as he laid his thick hand on her shoulder, the clean but crooked nails touching the skin repeatedly.

  
She shrank even more against the glass and struggled to change the topic of the conversation.

  
"You said you would solve my problem with my camera" she went straight, struggling to keep her posture upright and her voice steady.

  
"Yes I said" he looked away from the woman, starting the car and keeping his attention fixed on the road in front of him "I brought an old camera that I used while still working as a photographer, you can use it during that night and give me back when you have revealed the photos".

  
Therese did not know if he was watching her through her peripheral vision, but she nodded nonetheless.

  
"I put everything in the backpack in the backseat, you can pick up now if you want" In the constant silence of Therese he let an exasperated sigh escape, then squeezed the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white and protruding.

  
Pretending not to see the man's uneasiness beside her, the photographer loosened her seatbelt and, turning back, leaned forward until the tip of her fingers touched the bag, muttering affirmatively repeatedly trying to appear agreeable to the man who spoke without stopping by her side.

  
The equipment was even older than hers, and she knew that with that low quality she would not get much, but what choice did she have other than stay home being devoured by her own unconscious?

  
"I hope you're more talkative at our dinner Thez" the man's soft tone caused unwanted and disgusted chills all over the woman's spine.

  
"I'm sorry, I'm just a little worried, there's a lot going on, you know women things" with a yellow smile, she lied.

  
"I hope those concerns do not bother you today, you know how hard I get to get you opportunities like that, don't you?"

  
She hated when Richard did that, she hated to find herself again dependent on him. She had crossed her arms so tightly and so close to her body that her hands tingled from lack of blood, the lingering sensation distracting her from eminent anxiety.

  
Her eyes narrowed as the radiating lights whence the event would happen whip them, but she soon opened they in surprise when a tall blonde figure passed a few meters from her window. The wide bodies of the security guards not allowing her to see much but that few minutes they'd shared in that room days before were enough for her to know the almost arrogant way of walking.

  
"Thez, are you going to stand there?"

  
The actress's magnetism had gone so far that she had not even realized the car was stationary or that it was the second time Richard had called her impatiently.

  
"I got distracted by something" she justified herself, her eyes alternating between the face of the man in front of her and the growing crowd.

  
"I'm sure you did."

  
Her companion took two badges out of his suit pocket, a red-brown chalk, he puts one on his own neck, then the other on Therese's, who took the plastic in her hands and realized that the piece of paper wrapped in plastic would be responsible for her entrance there.

  
"We're going to do like this" again the rough hands touched her, this time he held her lightly by the wrist, brown eyes alternating between the photographer's face and the expensive watch on the thick wrist "I need to solve some important things so I can not stay with you, but I think until midnight we'll both be free and we'll meet right here, okay?"

  
Therese nodded eagerly to get rid of her longtime friend.

  
Walking hastily and making her way with her arms, she walked to the staff entrance, displaying the badge that made her feel like a dog huddled to the strong security of dark skin and thick eyebrows, which freed her entrance after a careful glance.

  
The service entrance was crowded, photographers, cameras and interviewers wrapped themselves in the yarns while cooks parade in their impeccably white robes and fixed frowns, sometimes an threatening metal paraphernalia appearing through dark suitcases.

  
Taking a deep breath, she smoothed her T-shirt, crumpled by the contact with so many people, and walked to the red carpet, taking advantage of her free hand to pull the red collar that even soft and loose seemed to cling more to her neck every moment.

  
The security guards, along with the fragile restraints, having a bit of trouble keeping the whole horde eager for a well-taken photo or an autograph in their proper places, but nothing out of the common.

  
The lack of height was a setback for Therese since all the humans around her seemed to want to crush or stop her from getting even a tiny gap.

  
Shrinking so much that it seemed as soon her shoulders would merged with each other she managed to pass between two pretty tall men, her left cheek scraping the smooth suit at the height to the prominent shoulder blades of guy who appeared to be the older.

  
Finally able to see what was happening on the red carpet, she turned the camera on easily and in a hurry mood, the entrance had already begun.

  
Some television channels made exclusive covers while smaller ones shrieked at the stars, the sudden jerky movements causing some bumps against Therese's body, but she was focused on getting the best material even with a realy poors quality camera's in hand.

  
With some difficulty she had finally managed to focus only on her task, abstracting everything that was going on around her. The photographer was doing pretty well until she caught sight of the blond hair, followed by the incredibly penetrating eyes and the well-drawn line of the jaw, the white feathers that cover the actress shoulders not divert enough attention away from the generous v-neckline that seems to be the highlight of the black dress.

  
As the woman approaches with steady motions and the hopelessly erect chin Therese lets her mind flows by the magnetism that the blond emanates, but fortunately she does not seem to be the only one.

  
With the camera resting on the protruding bone of her hip the woman stares at the tall figure parading on the red carpet, the closed smile not leaving her face perfectly drawn nor for a second. The actress stops in front of the place where Therese is, the angle of his head not allowing her to see the brunette, who now falls back on herself and tries just like everyone else there to get something worthy of payment.

  
With a toss of her head, that swings the fringe at the chin, Carol fixes her gaze to the opposite side of where she was seconds ago, small wrinkles appearing in the corner of her eyes as she spots the small, somewhat dazed figure in that immensity of people, the realization that the photographer is there happens fast enough so Therese does not feel the cold and searching eyes on her.

  
With a disdainful shrug Aird continues her way, giving room for the actress behind her try, in vain, to draw attention to herself.

  
The parade of gaudy dress and costlier suits than a simple fabric could cust went on for about an hour, each minute standing up making Therese's body look heavier than it really was. She was pitied by the choice of an uncomfortable shoe, by the loose hair that occasionally kept falling in her eyes, especially the fringe that was longer than it should be.

  
When the last actor finally exhibited himself unabashedly Therese was able to leave the front line and prop herself up on a huge decorative pilaster, the clock on her wrist indicating that she still had some spare time before returning to Richard's uncomfortable companion , so she set about walking through the rich environment. Her body might be tired, but the anxiety that she felt for being there did not allow her the luxury of standing still.

  
She was preparing for a perfect picture of two actresses interacting at the entrance to the gilded gates when she felt one warm, wide hand wrap around her waist.

  
"Richard?" the realization came out in question and she again looked at the clock that was far from midnight "I thought we would meet only in the car".

  
"Phil, Harge, this is Thez, my girl" the tightness in the girl's waist became more possessive.

  
"I'm not your girl" her dark eyebrows furrowed over half-closed green eyes, and the thin shaking hand tried to push the man's hand away from her waist.

  
"Oowo, I can see that you like the hot-headed, right Rich?" the man who had just been introduced as Harge let out a burst of laughter.

  
"You know these are the best" Richard stuck Therese's body against hers even after feeling the woman's short nails against his flesh in a discreet and failed attempt to push him away. his fingers holding the woman's hip enough to hurt, and the warm breath smelling imported rum struck her at eye-level.

  
Not for the first time that night she could feel her stomach turn and small drops of icy sweat damp her complexion.

  
"We'll get some drinks, you come?" Phill asked in a very high tone of voice, the high amount of alcohol he had ingested evident.

  
"Of course!" Richard promptly answered for both of them and was about to take the photographer with her as she cut him off from his strong arm.

  
"I need to go to the bathroom, go ahead, please" in a last effort she made sure her voice was firm enough.

  
Not caring much, the three men stepped forward, the loud laughter catching the attention of some people passingand looking at them with reproving and judgmental eyes.  
Wiping the damps palms on her dark trousers, Therese strode toward the bathroom, holding herself as far as she could to not run, but relenting as the white door appeared in her vision.

  
The woman quickly invaded the place of light shades, which fortunately seemed to her totally empty . Leaning over the sink, her hands banging hard against the cold edge of the black marble and then pressing the stone several times, she leaves that her body puts out all the bile that had concentrated in his throat in the last seconds, her tongue becoming rough while shivers of discomfort takes her body. The bitter and strong taste lingering in her mouth even after she washed herself with water countless times.

  
Therese can still feel the breath that is so much alike with that of her childhood about herself, she was sure that the rum that Richard had drunk was the same one that was on her mother's cupboard. The place where the big hands had touched still burned.

  
Giving up on getting rid of bitterness, she throws water on her bleached face and for the first time looks up in search of a towel. What she sees petrifying her almost immediately.

  
Sitting in one of the staterooms with her legs crossed, her cigarette almost endedand the lit tip facing down so the smoke did not reach the fire detector, Carol Aird stared at her, her eyebrows furrowed as far as the human anatomy allowed, and her head inclined in concern.

  
From the clear eyes a glint of curiosity showed beneath her lashes.


	4. By her lens she sees the mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!So, some people told me that they prefer reading the history in a different convention and I tried to adapt, I hope that you guys like it.  
> Also I want to say that the comments in the anterior chapter made me so happy that i can't even describe <3

The photographer for a moment almost gave in to the urge to go to the door and check if the dark letters against the wooden surface actually said **"employees"** , but she was sure she had read it right, so she remained static, her eyes locked to the blond woman staring at her in the mirror.

  
"I'm sorry, I did not see you there " again she felt her hand moisten and the ring on her forefinger slip slowly across the length of her finger.

  
"Do not be sorry for such a thing."

  
Searching for something to do with her hands Therese grabbed the fluffy towel with enough force to make her knuckles white, and wiped her face not so subtly, the smell of cheap fabric softener invading her nostrils.

  
Carol kept her gaze steady on the woman in front of her during those anxious seconds when the photographer wiped her face and hands, the ashes of her cigarette falling right next to her black pointed shoe.Held only the filter,since the whole cigarrete was burn,she keep staring Therese. The woman's relaxed posture, that consisted in supported the shoulder blades on the cold tile wall behind her and forearm over her abdomen, did not reveal what was going on in her mind, and that made Therese even more anxious.  
Inhaling the muffled air and snorting the nicotine, the youngest of them stepped out of the marble sink over the other's feral gaze.

  
"I'm already leaving," the photographer murmured, heading toward the door, her fingers again hiding under the front pocket and pulling the seam of her pants incessantly, the look of the actress burning on her back.

  
"Wait" the husky voice came out slowly and lazily, but still a hint of concern was audible.

  
Therese froze inches of the door and static heard the sound of the cloth scraping against the toilet lid and the quick blasts of the needle heel against the floor.

  
"You clearly are not well" the change in tone indicated that the woman was now closer and the brunette slowly turned on her heels to face the owner of the voice 'I would be happy to help you in some way".

  
Even though her lips were crisp, her chin lifted, and her irremediably haughty posture still there, the woman now addressed her gently, without the penetrating gaze that had beset her all through the photoshoot weeks before.

  
"No need " her voice goes lower than planned, causing the actress to have to come closer to being able to hear it properly "it was just a sudden discomfort, you do not have to worry about this and I don't want to disturb your awards season".

  
Carol let a noisy laugh escape through her lips, her head arching back slightly in a signal of derision.

  
"My dear "the long-fingered hand finished in short red nails lifted the photographer's face by the chin, holding it for a few seconds before finally releasing it from the weak pressure "I just witnessed a magnificent show where you put at least half your guts out, do you really think my concern is unnecessary?".

  
Therese felt her body shrink in embarrassment, but she held her gaze locked on the woman in front of her, the prospect of having the icy touch on her body again giving her the courage to keep her eyes from counting small stains in her shoes again. Without being able to formulate a coherent sentence she waited for the actress to continue, her hot tongue moistening her parched lips while her eyelashes were twice the normal speed, the photographer feared that the tears that burned her eyes wanting to leave if she stopped blinking for a second.

  
"And as for the second part of your excuse, it's not like you're going to mess something up" the blonde gestures to the environment around her with both hands " when you entered here i was in my second cigarette in that unfortunate place" she pauses in disdain before to proceed "I can take you to youe house and even pass a pharmacy on the way, I would not like a photographer so promising givin entrance into a hospital because of my negligence, in addition, I promise that this time I will continue to be dressed from the beginning at end".

  
Aird rubs her wrist through the gold bracelets while waiting for a response from the younger one, who blushes intensely remembering her shameful and desperate reaction to the actress's nakedness in the first time they have seen each other.

  
"Can you really even get out of here? Without communicating an advisor or anything of the sort?" she tries to keep her voice steady to compensate for the elusive look and the intense red tint that takes her cheeks and her chest.He can feel the tip of her ears burn.

  
"Therese" her name on the other woman's mouth causes the brunette to hold her breath momentarily "I can do whatever I want" she repeatedly hits her fingertips on her hip, her right eyebrow rising to accompany the smug smile shape on the well drawn face.

  
Seeing the uneasiness that causes Therese to rub the sole of her shoe against the ground repeatedly Carol takes the lead and opens the door, the smell of her perfume mixed with cigarette and shampoo hiting the photographer.

 

"Shall we?"A half smile marks the invitation.

  
The brunette follows the other quickly, always keeping a respectable distance. Her eyes constantly roam the environment, unconsciously she fears that Richard comes after her.  
Carol narrows her pace, not allowing anyone to approach her, and only stopping when she finds the young man with a red ID on his chest.

  
"My keys, please" she asks with her hand outstretched and the young man promptly deposits a dark keychain over it.

  
The two followed quietly into the parking lot, Aird's black heels crashing to the floor rhythmically, and the photographer occasionally sighing in a noisy way, the anxiety of leaving the award with a near-miss making she want to repeat the scene of the bathroom.

  
The actress presses the key and a black car whistles in response, both are almost close to the vehicle when a shrill voice cuts the night.

  
"Carol! Where were you? I've looked everywhere for you!"

  
Belivet can see a shiver run through the exposed part of the actress's skin, who rushes into the car, starting it before Therese has a chance to close the door.  
"Should not you see what it is about?" the newest asks timidly.

  
The actress gazes at her as she starts to drive the car, her golden eyelashes glowing in contrast to the light, and tiny wrinkles popping up around her lips that hold a half smile.  
" That is my adviser, she probably came to eat me alive for not wanting to participate more than the necessary in one more festival of hypocrisy" she pauses to remove the blond strands that hide in her face "but it is not as if she had something against me this time. I received my prize, I gave the speech of thanks, I pose for all those endless photos and I still established contacts. Enough for one night don't you think?

  
"I suppose" a disconcerted shrug accompanying the response.

  
A flash of amusement becomes visible in the gray eyes as the blonde glanced at the photographer before turning her attention back to the bustling street again.

  
"So, Therese Belivet, I'll need you to tell me how to get to your house, otherwise I will not have a choice besides to take you to mine, or would you follow me anyway?" The girl could imagine the clear eyebrows joining together in a mixture of doubt and amusement, even if all she could see of the woman next to her was the profile and the eyes reflected in the rearview mirror.

  
For a moment she wondered what Carol's house would look like, what books she would have on her shelf or if she would not have them, whether the furniture would be neutral or whether they would shout at her personality as well as the owner, if the choices of fabrics in the curtains and the carpets would have been made by the blonde woman or someone paid for. She let her mind imagine the methodically organized kitchen with an ashtray hidden behind a small potted plant, the light bedding of the master bedroom and the smell musk of the older woman impregnated by all the corners.

  
Pulling herself forcibly back to the moment Therese glanced around to locate herself and finally give Aird the necessary instructions. Her lips parted as the strident ringing of the cell phone made her startle.

  
Carol took the device with one hand while holding the other in the direction and tried to disguise the unpleasure when she read the name engraved on the screen.  
"I have to answer" she did not wait for an answer before sliding the green icon to the side "Pat?"

  
The actress made a sharp turn in a random street.

  
The rain that had just begun made Therese unable to hear what was said on the other side, but she did not care, she was accustomed to unilateral dialogs even if the person was facing her. Trying politely not to heed what was said next to her she struggled, but all her good will left the body when she heard a sneer of derision leave the woman's lips beside her.

  
"Good manners?What do you mean by that?Is that really something that even exists?" Belivet wished heartily to kwon what the conversation was about.  
The answer did not seem to please the actress since the photographer could see her passing her tongue across all her top teeth before tearing her up against the roof of her mouth, shaking her head in a negative light, the long silver earrings intertwining with the blond strands.

  
The rain was gradually thickening, causing the car's glass to be filled with fat crystalline drops that flowed slowly, the brunette pretended to pay attention to an especially large one, which traced her way from the beginning of the cold glass.

  
With the peripheral vision she saw when Carol hung up the phone and tossed it over her shoulder, the device landing on the leather stool behind them.

  
"you can go straight and then turn right" the youngest hurried to say, still not taking her eyes off the rain outside.

  
"Are you not going to ask me anything about the call?" Aird looked away from the streets just to stare at the smooth, short hair at her side, as the photographer's attention was drawn by the rain.

  
"Should I?"

  
"It's not about what you should or should not do, it's about what you want or not." The actress's expression was kept serious as she drummed her fingertips in the direction.  
"I want to asks you a few things, but I'm not sure if you'd like me to," her icy fingers touched her cheeks, in her mind all the times she'd been told to shut up showing like a movie.

  
"Ask me please"

  
At the continued silence of the younger Carol shrugged, wanting to have a cigarette between her lips at that moment.


	5. By her lens she sees the difference

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will be a few similarities with the book in this (and in the next) chapter,but after that we'll come back to another script

In a few minutes the black car was standing in front of the red door of the small loft. The brunette's delicate cold fingers played unpretentiously with the cold lens, her mind seething trying to think of something to say.

  
The silence did not seem to bother the actress who passed the radio stations in a relaxed manner.

  
"Do you want to come in?" The question left Therese's lips before she could control her damn tongue. Perhaps her unconscious wanted a little more of that calm that the actress had given her earlier that night "as a thank you for having accompanied me here".

  
Carol smiled at the photographer's quick and embarrassing attempt to make the invitation less embarrassing to herself. Smiling amusingly seeing the reddening that covered the girl's entire face and the faint despair stamped on her green eyes.

  
"Of course, why not?"

  
The actress let Therese take the lead for the first time that night, waiting patiently while the younger girl tried to unlock the door in the dim light.

  
With a small creak she pushed the wooden door open and she could feel a chilling wave of heat reaching her face, quickly she gave away for a confused but still confident and impenetrable Carol Aird to enter.

  
The actress did not expect to face a narrow corridor ending in another door and a small flight of stairs to her left.

  
"I live on the second floor" the photographer explained to the momentary confusion of Carol, again the anxiety had caught her and she played insistently with the tips of her short hair .

  
The flight of stairs consisted in a little more than 15 steps, but even so the younger girl's breath deregulated, she wondered if that invitation had been a bad idea, a huge positive sign hovering over her.

  
Shuffling her head discreetly, Belivet turned the metal knob fully aware of the strong presence that the blond woman behind her emanated, the hot breath reaching the back of her neck.

  
Afflicted she searched for the switch to turn on the light just after they entered, allowing Aird to do a quick analysis of the simple room with light walls.The small three-seat sofa looked old but extremely comfortable for a Sunday afternoon, but what caught the attention of the older woman was the sheer amount of books surrounding the place.They were everywhere, on the small shelf draped with dried plants, next to the tube TV, serving as a support for a glass that had been left there in a momentary carelessness, even in a rug that avoided the sound that their heels would provoke against the wooden floor.

  
Not resisting the actress reached out as she passed the mobile where the television was and took the thick volume, her eyebrows arching as she read the title, that had been her favorite book for many years.

  
"These violent delights have violent ends and in their triump die" the firm voice made the younger petrified.

  
"Like fire and powder which, as they kiss, consume." Therese, flushed again, now looked at Carol, who was still holding the black book in her hands.

  
"This used to be one of my favorite books when I was younger, my youth brought with it the fascination with the prospect of loving someone so much that death would be preferable to the absence" she repositioned the book exactly where it was taken away.

  
Therese let the weight of her body rest against the doorframe, holding the image of the woman in front of her. She could not formulate any sentence whatsoever.

  
As the predatory gray eyes once again settled on her she returned to reality by clearing her throat and straightening up as fast as she could.

  
"Do you want to drink something?" The question came in the form of ice breaking.

  
"Yes," the blonde shrugged, following the youngest into the house, the sound of the heels echoing as she left the soft surface of the rug. "Would you mind if I were barefoot?These shoes are killing me".

  
The older woman rolled her eyes theatrically.

  
"Not at all".

  
Carol quickly leaned against the wall and raised her dress a bit, taking off the black louboutins that painfully marked her feet. She was preparing to follow the direction a tense Therese had taken when her attention was caught by some photographs on the wall.

  
"Oh! Do not look, they are not very good, I was in hurry" Therese appears on the threshold of the door with a bottle of beer in each hand.Newly her face is taking on the redness and she is so shrunken on the body itself that Aird ends up giving a re-meaning to the word discomfort.

  
"They are perfect. Is this what you want to do with your life?" the question comes without the usual gaze used to undress those around her, the actress was stuck in the figures glued to the wall, her fingers tracing the black and white outlines of a figure made up of a beautiful landscape.

  
"I do not know" Therese takes one of the cans to her lip, avoiding having to swallow dry "maybe, if I have talent."

  
"Talent, is not this something that others say if you have it?"

  
The photographer remains silent, her shoulder pressed against the thick wall behind her, squeezing further into her taut body.

  
Carol finally turns her attention to her and reluctantly relinquishing the photos walks slowly down to the youngest, her experienced eyes fixed on the greens,who here trying to break the contact at all times. She picks up the drink the youngest offers her, his fingers lightly touching the cold hand that retracts.

  
Aird lets the weight of her body fall on the wall as well, the plumes of her dress almost reaching the woman in front of her. The firm hand goes up to Belivet's face and subtly touching the cheek blush, the actress could feels the skin shivering under her fingers, the effort the youngest makes to avoid move away was notorious.

  
When the photographer seems to get accustomed to the touch Carol lets her fingers descend slowly, skirting the thin lips that tremble slightly, her red nails contrasting against the pale skin and hot breath of the girl striking her.

  
The actress approaches slowly and Therese lets her face lean over the older woman's hand, her eyes closing before slowly opening again, half-closed. An almost imperceptible tremor runs through her body and she can see Aird through under her lashes, her brows furrowed and her lips moist with the beer she had just ingested.

  
"Why do you do that?" She asks, her voice lower than normal, her breath warm and slow reaching Therese, making the little strands of the woman's arm twitch.

  
"That what?" even if nervous, the photographer can't stop looking at the gray eyes that now seem darker than ever.

  
"Dodge every time someone touches you."

  
Hardly the words leave the blonde's mouth and Therese's body stiffen, the delicate hand reaches to Aird's and holds it, preventing her from continuing the subtle caress that runs down her jaw.

  
Carol arches her left eyebrow and squeezes the hand of the younger one, as if giving her the missing confidence, but the silence continues. She is not accustomed to having any touch her rejected by anyone, but allows the youngest dodge

  
"Should we talk about what happened in the bathroom today?" the question issoft like the cool breeze that enters through a nearby window.

  
The brown eyes fill with tears, shining against the dim light of the apartment, and Therese straightens her body, turning in an unsuccessful attempt to hide her eminent cry, her trembling fingers touching her face in silent despair.

  
"I'm sorry" the two words are choppy due to irregular breathing.

  
"Silly girl, do not apologize for that".

  
Even though Belivet now has her back to her, the strands tangled in the night breeze as she stares at the lamppost across the street through the small window, Carol knows she no longer holds her tears because of irregular movement of her shoulders.

  
She approaches slowly and from a safe distance observes her reddish eyes and nose while Belivet tries to wipe the moisture from her face. The actress comes to move her right hand but changes her mind and lowers her again.

  
"Cigarettes?" Carol pulls out of the black bag carrying a half-full bundle "they're great for anything."

  
Therese nods slightly and wipes the tears with the back of her hand she accepts, coming up to light whit the cigarrete in her mouth, not recoiling as she lets out her breath along with a long trail of white smoke.

  
So close they stare at each other and for a moment the photographer notices the small spots that appear on the neck and chin of the older woman, the thin tangle of veins beneath the pale skin, and in how the ends of her hair are lighter than the top but when the feral eyes stare at her, she searches in her memory for anything she has seen to develop a subject, failing.

  
Carol realizing the discomfort that again taking the woman in front of her, smiles at her before starting a new conversation.

  
"I noticed that the camera you used today is different from the one that is there" she uses the beer bottle to point out Therese's ruined equipment "is there any difference between photos in a studio and photos on a red carpet?"

  
Therese runs her hand through the dark strands before taking a long swallow, the nicotine lightly irritating her eyes.

 

"Actually,yes" the voice is still shaken by crying "but the camera I used today is not mine, Richard, a friend, lent me once the rain ruined everything I had."

  
"Then all that" Carol alternates her weight on her legs, in her face an expression that the younger can not decipher "is useless now?"

  
"Exactly".

  
Her eyes searched again, the silence enveloping them.

  
"Will you laugh if I confess that day in the studio, you completely frightened me?" Therese fears that Aird will leave the apartment if the matter is over.

  
Carol gives a good laugh as the girl smiles shyly, uncertain about the revelation she has just made.

  
"Do not worry about it, it's not like you're the first person to tell me something like that, and it certainly will not be the last."

  
"It's just that I can not understand it, I can not draw a pattern between the two versions of you and see the similarity between that ruthless woman who took me to the brink of despair and who, ignoring all the formalities of an award, brought me home and now is here with me, barefoot and drinking an already lukewarm beer."

  
The actress shrugs, the hint of a smile marking her face.

  
"If you prefer, I can bring you back to the brink of despair, is that what you want?"

  
The green eyes stare back at her, with an indecipherable expression.

  
The silence settles between them again and Therese squeezes her empty bottle in the intention to contain the impulse that makes her want to hide anywhere.

  
A group of drunken friends walks in a car screaming obscenities and the cat-shaped clock on the opposite wall, at the level of the window where both are, catches the attention of the actress, the hands mark 1:22 in the morning.

  
"I should go".

  
The photographer wanted her to stay there, contrary to her expectations, she had enjoyed the old woman's feel immensely, but nothing she could think of seemed enough to keep her there.

  
Leaving the empty glass over the aird window ledge as far as her shoes were, she could feel the looks of Therese on her back and for a moment she wondered if the younger one did not want her presence there any longer.

  
"Are not you going to say goodbye to me?" She asks with the heels already in hand.

  
Belivet walks up to her slowly and becomes static, not knowing what the older woman expects her to do.

  
"I'm still waiting" the blonde laughs a laugh out of her nose, eager to see the younger girl's reaction.

  
Still uncertain, the photographer breathes deeply and approaches the actress, planting on her face a kiss similar to the one she had given her the day they met. Aird's hand rests on the brunette's waist and the bodies approach her, Therese can almost smell Carol perfum being left in her clothes and covering Richard's sickly cheap cologne.

  
"Thank you for today. Thank you" she said in form of a whisper.

  
"There was nothing I could have done differently."

  
Pulling away from the delicate squeeze, the blonde goes to the exit of the apartment, and as she closes the door, she notices that Therese is still staring at her.

  
She climbs down the stairs already pushing the key to unlock her car, the weather outside is cold.The woman starts the car and leaves the road winning, the right hand groping the seat next to her looking for her bag in search of a cigarette When she did not find anything she remembered that she had taken her to the photographer's apartment, not bothering to turn around, she went home, delighted with the amusement that might arise from that "forgetfulness".


	6. By her lens she sees nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know we are kinda slow here, but I promise y'all, the action is coming

Therese wakes up startled by the clanging sound of the doorbell, the digital clock by her side shining a dark red 6:27. Rising from the bed awkwardly she tries to pack the rebel wires with her hands as she goes to the window in search of discover who is making that scandal.

  
Too sleepy to notice the small shiny bag left on one of the old wooden furniture in the room Belivet bumps into the accessory, scaring herself by the sound it makes when it hits the floor. Immediately she remembers Carol, almost feeling the perfume of the woman against herself.

  
She bends down to pick up her purse and blushes when she realizes she can actually smell the older woman as she sleeps in the same outfit she had been attending in the awards. Before the memories of the night can take over her mind again the doorbell sounds raucous again, this time for long ten seconds.

  
Impatient and with a curse already leaping her mouth she goes to the window and put her face out. The sun, even if weak, making she close her eyes once the whole apartment was dark.

  
Also with the clothes from the previous night, considerably more dented, and with an hair as disorderly as possible, Richard looks down from her. Immediately Belivet's gaze is fixed on the man and her hands tighten the window sill, the tips of the fingers reddening. She immediately reminded herself that she owed the man a dinner and she should have met him at midnight in front of the car, but instead she left with Carol.

  
Taking a deep breath the woman tries to justify her decision to herself before throwing them at the man. He should not have treated her that way, he should not insist on putting his hands on her when she had categorically asked him not to do it , and she knew it.

  
The man's face is reddish and his veins on the neck are bouncing, the rolling of his eyes combined with the pressure on his jaw indicating his discontent.

  
"Thez" Belivet briefly loses sight of him as he tries to force the knob, not for the first time she imagines "please let me come in or come here, right? You know we have to talk."  
"About how you made me look stupid in front of your colleagues?" Bending her lips in derision, she almost screams.

  
Before the man can give an answer she hears knocks against the door, rubbing her eyes she goes to the entrance and removes the latch, encountering the old woman who lives in the apartment below.

  
"Young lady!" Mrs. Maple, dressed in a long, dark robe of silk, begins already with her forefinger cocked, "do you think it's right that a respectable woman has a man screaming desperately under her window?"

  
"I'm really sorry for that." Therese bows her head and takes a deep breath to avoid unfairly pouring all her inrritation against the old woman.As inconvenient as her lordship may be, Belivet still had an admirable respect for her.

  
"You'd better feel it, now if you do not mind I hope you'll go and fix that obnoxious man or I'll go myself."As they spoke the bell rang in the background.  
Removing the brown hair from her face, the photographer entered her apartment quickly, took the camera that Richard had loaned her and down the wooden stairs, almost slipping on the old, worn-out steps.

  
After receiving Carol in her apartment Therese could not sleep and for that reason spent much of the night revealing or sending on file the photos that she had taken to the companies, for that reason she could return the camera to Richard, even if it meant spending her savings. She would find a way to get Mrs. Maple to tolerate a month of rent lag.

  
She unlocks the door and gains the street, almost bumping against the tall man standing in front of her, the breath of alcohol condensing on her face.  
"For God's sake, you're drunk as an Opossum," her lips twitch together with her eyes.

  
"I'm drunk because I had no choice but go to the pub with Phill once you got me planted waiting for you" the man's dark eyebrows almost touched his eyes with such irritation drawn on his face "he at least had the decency of honor a commitment".

  
"How can you blame me for leaving earlier after that show you made to your friends using me as the main attraction ?!"

  
Therese was tired of the behavior coming from the man in front of her, that did not seem right.Furious she pushes at him the old camera.

  
"And you can take it back, I do not need it."

  
Trembling Therese turns to come in again but the strong hand grips her wrist and pulls her close.

  
"Do you think you can use me like that like that?" the hot breath reaches it when the man bows over it "because you are mistaken who is in command ..."

  
Muted the photograph faces Richard but luckily or something else the red door behind you opens revealing Henry's gray hair, who goes out to work.

  
The old man faces the situation before him for long seconds.

  
"Is everything okay here?" the forehead already wrinkled by age contracts even more.

  
With a throat clean Richard releases Therese's wrist, which covers the place reddish and sore with the hand.

  
"I was already leaving" he tries to soften his expression but it is in vain.

  
Therese does not wait for the situation to unfold and she quickly climbs up to her apartment, her stomach contracting even though she has not eaten in a long time.

  
As she takes a deep breath to avoid the unpleasant chore of all that bile out Belivet wonders how she allowed herself to approach a man so much like her father.

  
With closed eyes she leaned against the wall, her stomach calming and allowing her to finally open her eyes, focusing just on Carol's purse, the glossy black detaching herself and drawing attention to everything around her, just like the owner of the object.

  
In dismay she wonders how she will return it to Aird.  
                                                                                                                       ✥  
"Good morning sunshine!" steady hands pull the white curtains that kept the morning light from entering Carol's room.

  
Squirming from the strong glow of the light that filled the room and finally fell upon her face, the actress murmured disconnected words of displeasure that Abby possessed the certainty of being offensive.

  
"I know you were at an awards ceremony yesterday, but given your habit of getting away from them all before the scheduled time, you certainly had enough sleep for one night," Gerhard said as she pulled the white blankets that the actress, still with her eyes closed , tried to use it to hide from her friend "unless you've done overtime in someone's house."

  
Seeing that Abby would not give up, Carol let her pull the soft sheets over her body and throw them away. She slowly sat down on the bed, being imitated by her extremely lively friend, her long fingers scratching her red eyes before squirmed through the blond wires. She was definitely not a morning person.

  
"How the hell did you get in here?" Her voice was hoarse and grumpy.

  
"Who do you think sprinkles your plants already dead when you travel?" she took a bunch of keys from her back pocket and rocked it in front of the other's annoyed look. "Now, are you going to answer me properly or will I have to get the answers out by strength of this wonderful little mouth?"

  
"With each passing day I'm more sure about your work with the employees to know when I dispense them" Abby looks at her incisively, rolling her eyes and Carol gives the woman in front of her the answer she craves "Yes I went to someone's house but not to do what you are thinking ."

  
"And you're going to tell me what in the hell did you went to do there then, sleepyhead?" Abby smiled as she rubbed her hands together.

  
Aird resisted the urge to throw one of his pillows over her. Forcefully.

  
"Coffee.Now.Conversation.After".

  
Throwing her head back in a sign of amusement the brunette rises from the bed as Carol again throws herself onto the bed, the right hand hiding her eyes from the light.  
Anchoring on the threshold of the large door of Aird's room, the woman watches her friend so elegant in front of the cameras grumbling and falling back into the sheets as a child would, unable to contain a laugh that catches the attention of the actress.

  
"What is it now ?!" she leaves an exasperated sigh escapes her well-drawn lips when she asks looking through her half-closed eyes, her blond lashes almost touching.

  
"I forgot how annoying you are in the mornings." Carol looks at her irritably. "I'll make you some coffee and I'll wait for you in the kitchen, we'll go shopping then, so dress yourself."

  
"You must be kidding me!" 

  
Abby listens to the woman's voice as she heads into the large kitchen.

  
In a little more than ten minutes a still drowsy Carol Aird takes in the large cup of coffee and sits down on the table, while a Gerhard leaning on the granite counter looks at her suspiciously.

  
"Ready without even more complaints or I having to drag you out of bed? The night must have been really good."

  
"I should throw you to the wolves," the blonde responds with no amusement in her voice before taking a generous sip of the dark liquid in front of her. "I just need to buy some things, so this idea of yours is not going to be useless at all."

  
"If these things" she quotes with her fingers "are cigarettes I swear I'll have you swallow them one by one."

  
Carol knew her friend's threat was much more than serious, but she could not suppress the slight laughter that made her shoulders tremble slightly. 

  
"I still have mine."

  
The brunette rolls her eyes as she approaches the actress. Aird does not provoke her any more, she knows that all this is pure and true concern. Abby could behave as she was, but she had never let herself even for a day don't worry about the actress.

  
"But going back to what really matters" the writer cheered again, "will you tell me with who you has spent the night?"

  
Carol sighed but started talking, knew she could not hide it from her friend, she knew her too well.

  
"Do you remember the day I told you about the newbie photographer that I thought I was going to pass out in the middle of the essay?" Gerhard nods positively "I was smoking in the bathroom, if you interrupt me to talk about my lungs you will not know the rest of the story" the actress warned her before she could give she another sermon "I was smoking in the bathroom when she came in desperate putting out everything that should be in her stomach out, so I took her home,just that. "

  
"Only? Your narratives are usually more interesting," she glances at her watch.

  
"The woman was in tears!"

  
Standing up Carol puts the empty cup over the sink and goes to her purse, screaming from the inside of her room a question:

  
"Do you know where in this city they sell good cameras ?!"


	7. By her lens she sees the spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep, a second chapter this night

Three days had passed since the incident with Richard and Therese still had not been able to contact Carol to return her purse.

"What do I have in mind to think that I would find a world-class actress easily rewarded? She should not even have noticed the absence of one of her bags," the photographer grunts to herself, her eyes aching to stare at the ceiling "probably we'll never meet again, it's been too lucky to have seen her a second time. "

Ever since Aird had pierced her way, Belivet had developed a small interest in the actress, and that made her feel strangely foolish and dependent.

Lying on her bed, staring at the black accessory on her bedside table, she wondered if she should give up when the shrill ringing of her cell phone took her out of her reverie.The number recorded on the display was indicated as unknown.

"Yes?"

"Therese?"

The voice made her freeze and sit upright immediately. Her tongue trailing her parched lips as she slowly released the air she had unconsciously picked up.  
"Is there anybody there? I can call you some other time."

"No! Now it's great," she managed to hear a small chuckle on the other end of the line and took a deep breath, trying to control her tone along with her bad habit of tearing off the little skins surrounding her nails "I was just wondering how you has my number ".

"As for this I think I really owe you an explanation, don't I?" before the long and usual silence fall between them Aird continues "don't worry, I have not been following each of your steps or things like that, I just made a quick call to the magazine that hired you for photoshot. I know I should not invade your privacy this way, but I think I just left my purse there. "

"Do not worry, you did not invade anything or bother me in any way, but your purse really stayed here."

Therese now walked aimlessly through the apartment, the fingers of her free hand beating rhythmically against her own thigh.

"Would you mind if I invited you to a thank-you coffe? You could bring my purse."

"You, thanking me?" Belivet repeated the uncertain word, "I'm the one who should be doing this, don't you think? What reason would you have to thank me?"

"Let's see," a dramatically humorous pause was established. "You got me rid of that hateful event and it gave me a great night, that's enough reason to thank you for that."

"I don't thin ..."

"Don't be that modest, I know a great restaurant here, I can pass the address if you want, do you have a pen in your hands?"

"Just a minute".

Using the collar of her T-shirt to muffle the sounds, Therese searched for a pen, taking considerable time until she found one that had fallen under her bedside table.

Carol was amused by time the girl need and by Therese's small desperation to find the pen, the collar of her T-shirt was not enough to muffle her little grunts.Holding her laughter, she passed the address.

"Meeting you at three p.m?"

  
"I suppose"

The silence on the line lasted for a few seconds until Aird's breathing changed, indicating that she had something to talk about, Belivet waited patiently just to hear a background noise, followed by a phrase that disappointed her more than she thought would make.

"I have to go."

Without waiting for an answer the actress hung up, leaving the youngest woman sitting on the wooden floor of her apartment, as anxious as she had felt in that room the day they met.

Anxious Therese was waiting for Carol. If a bald gentleman and herself were not there, the coffee would be completely empty. Clutching the shiny bag in her hands she wondered if the choice of the deserted place was due to the actress's status as a media person or if it was a reason to worry.

Before she could reach a final verdict, the blond haired woman entered the shop, removing her sunglasses shortly afterwards. As she approached, Belivet could see that in one of her hands she carried a black briefcase.

"I'm sorry for keeping you waiting so long."

In fact, twenty minutes had passed since the appointed time, and Therese was shortly to leave in frustration. But once the woman did not elaborate on why she was so late, the photographer kept her curiosity to herself.

"It's okay, it's not like I have too much to do" she giggled nervously when she felt the actress's unreadable gaze on her, wondering if what she'd said was nonsense.

As soon as the blonde sat down, the lazy waiter who had ignored Therese during the long minutes she was there came to meet them, as if the presence of the woman caused a stir to everyone around her.

"A whiskey while I decide what to order" she did not even look at the man staring tirelessly at her cleavage as he held the menu by his side, keeping her eyes fixed on the woman who was cringing in front of her "for you?"

"Just coffee" she did not like distillates, the way the smell fixes on her clothing and body and that seems to cling there even after numerous baths, even if the person who drank was not her. The way that the drink used to stay impregnated hours after the consumption making her body shiver.

As the young waiter set the menu on the table and headed for the kitchen, the blond woman placed the case on the table. Therese acted on impulse.

"I should probably hand this over to her," she held out the small black purse for Aird "since that's why I'm here."

"Does this complement mean that if I had invited you without any excuse you would not have accepted?" she drummed her fingers on her chin, almost brushing the crimson from her lips.

Therese gasped before answering.

"I did not mean it." The voice dropped, under the table, her fingers tightened, and she seemed about to apologize when Carol, as if reading what was happening under her skin, interrupted her.

"I hope you're not about to apologize, I've already told you that you do not have to."

In response to that another apology was all that Belivet's mind came to, so she chose to shut up.

The drinks were placed on the table and after choosing not to eat anything and asking Therese if she wanted anything, Aird dismissed the waiter.

Therese looked curiously at the briefcase on the table, alternating the green eyes between the woman in front of her who smiled discreetly and the object.

"Do not just look, open up."

The suggestion made her settle, the confusion taking her eyes. But under the encouraging look of the older one she did. Her face lit up as she saw a new, modern, undoubtedly expensive camera in front of her.

"What is it?"

"I thought since you are a profession you'd know better than I do." A humorous tone played in her voice.

What I wanted to know is why you brought it here." Shy beads of sweat formed on the palm and nape of Therese. She wondered if she would ever stop feeling that sentimental ambiguity when she was close to the actress.

"I had understood the first time" the playful tone was still there, the smile contained contrasting with the usual stares eyes "but I could not pass up the chance to see you that way.As for the reason, if you want to know, it's yours."

The girl looked incredulous at the object now in her hands, a nervous laugh escaped her lips.

"I can not accept something like that from nowhere, without a reason ... without an explanation" she stumbled back into words.

"If what is needed is a justification, consider it a Christmas gift" even though winter was approaching, it was a considerable time before Christmas, and Belivet seemed about to punctuate this remark when Carol slightly annoyed continued "even if it come like an advanced Christmas present ".

She was dumbfounded by the sensation of the cold object in her hands, indecisive between looking at Carol, who was gazing at her minutely, and the small world of possibilities that lay between her fingers. Her morale screaming for her to return immediately as the wholeness of her mind simply order her to thank and keep for herself the solution of all problems.

Instinctively she let her right hand run over the top of the table until she met the actress who looked at her in a mixture of disbelief and satisfaction. Soft fingers interlaced with her and Carol instantly looked at her clasped hands.

The actress thought to see, from her peripheral vision, a strange glow coming from outside the cafe,but she was enjoying the moment so much that she decided to simply ignore.

"I don't know how to thank you, I don't think I even know enough words to express how important this is to me."

"Let me invite you to a coffee again, this time, for no other reason."

For a second she scolded herself, she knew there were motives for that invitation, and none of them were chaste.


	8. By her lens she sees the assaulter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This may be a little trigger for some sensitive people,so please go careful

Therese unlocked her apartment door hurriedly, her back hurting from the long, tiring day she'd faced, and her head throbbing at the screams of the demanding principal with whom she'd been working all day.

  
Even as she yearned for the warmth of the water running down her shoulders, and the softness of her cotton pajamas touching her skin, she stood in the doorway, with the door open to respond to the notification that had arrived on her cellphone.Seeing it was a message from Carol, she smiled.

  
It had been two weeks since Aird had presented her with the camera and since then they had not met, but the older one always communicated with her, cursing the movies that were sucking out her vitality and keeping her from fulfilling her promise to take Belivet out.

  
Luckily today the blonde had gotten a break, and asked if they could do anything, tired but not enough to refuse to see the woman who strangely eroded her thoughts Therese readily replied positively.

  
After Carol's confirmation, Therese came up the stairs with renewed energy, jumping the steps two at a time as if this were somehow make the time between she and the actress pass quickly. The girl's animation crept slowly as she found the door she was sure to have locked before leaving, half-open.

  
                                                                                                                               ✥

  
Aird was hurrying through the little-busy corridors of the theater company, as soon as the expedition had finished, all the staff disappeared without a trace, leaving only Debbie and her chatting while the stylist organized her things.

  
"I don't know if this information came to you," the actress looks distressed at her watch "but I don't have any type of fetish in staying here watching you organize your dressing room".

  
Debbie rolled her eyes and hit the blonde with a tangle of purple fabric.

  
"If you were not so picky I would not have to get everything out of the way, it's almost your duty to make me company. And by the way" she stopped momentarily with her hand on her hip, her eyes narrowing in suspicion "before you used to like it.."

  
"I have business to solve today."

  
Carol was succinct, but Ocean knew there was something else. When it came to the blonde, there was always.

  
"And this business you say, is there anything to do with that camera you bought with Abby?"

  
"So that little snake crawled around?" A slight tremor ran down the jaw of the actress, and Debbie could not tell if it was for fun or fear. "

  
"You can not answer one question with another."

  
"I can do everything I want, and when I want" Carol stood up from her comfortable place in the red armchair and narrowing her eyes walked over to her friend, the false air of flirting making her throw her head back, not holding back her laughter.

  
"You will not be upset if I go now, will you?"

  
"I preferred your company to these empty walls, but I will not impede your meeting with the photographer." The blonde's eyes widened as her lips tightened. "You did not think I'd forgotten the day you met her and came here almost taking your clothes off for me, did you?"

  
"You're impossible," she said, heading for the exit, raising one hand in a not-so-polite farewell gesture.

  
"Enjoy the fuck!"

  
The stiffening of Aird's back could have passed imperceptibly through any inattentive eyes or that did not know the nebulous mind of the actress so well, but that little startle was enough for the stylist to quickly step up to her friend and stand in front of her.

  
"Carol Aird, don't tell me that after all this time you still have not taken her to bed!" a radiant smile tore the brunette's face as the actress shifted the weight between her legs.

  
"One day I'll make you and Abby disappear."

  
"So it seems that someone other than giving presents is still almost celibate.Should I assume that your little heart is melting by the photographer who almost fainted after seeing you?"

  
Seeing that her friend would continue with the taunts, Carol looked at her seriously.

  
"Something about her catches my attention in a way that surpasses the sexual.Besides, she does not seem to want something for just one night, and I would not mind have with her what I had with you. "

  
Ocean's countenance was now serious, the furrowed eyebrows framing the dark irises that stared at the woman before her intently. The firm hand tightened affectionately on her friend's arm.

  
"You remember what happened last time, right? So please do not be mad when I say be careful."

  
"It's not like it's going to affect me now," her fingers touched the fleshy lips "I was immature and I was starting my career, it's a completely different situation from what I am now.Besides, you did not see Therese, but I bet in the second you set eyes on her, you'll see she's incapable of hurting a fly."

  
"I think now is my time to be jealous, right?" she teased as she pushed her friend's body into hers, she was unable to stay serious for a long time.

  
After a rather significant exchange of looks, Ocean returned to the dressing room while Carol won the street.

  
                                                                                                                          ✥

  
The way to Belivet's house was relatively quiet, since the girl lived far from the busy center that at that moment was boiling.

  
She parked the car with a surgical precision and came down pulling on the soft collar of her overcoat to protect herself from the cold wind on her face.Aird was about to knock on the red door when it was blown open, a tall man with badly trimmed hair gasped.The brown eyes fixed on the grays for a few seconds, the hint of rage flaring there made the actress lift her chin even more in a silent challenge, but the man finally left hurriedly, a long red slash marked the side of his neck.

  
Carol stood in the doorway for long seconds trying to remember where she knew that well-marked face, but with a shrug she took advantage of the open door and up the stairs, the bag of Chinese food swaying in her hand.

  
"Therese ?!" she called after knocking on the door three times, receiving no answer.

  
Worried she called the number of the youngest, able to hear the strident sound of the phone even with the door closed. No longer containing her concern she forced the handle, only to find that it was unlocked.

  
What she saw at once only made it even more confused, the room seemed to be in order except for a partially destroyed ship of roses and a crumpled newspaper headline. Her curiosity made her want to see what the newspaper was about, but her concern about Belivet was greater.

  
"Therese ?!" she called again, entering the interior of the small apartment.

  
An almost inaudible sob drew the attention of the blond woman who practically ran toward him, now seeing fallen books and some furniture out of place.Immediately the image of the man she had met at the door appeared in her mind, the anger she felt urged her down those stairs and go after him, but she knew that at that moment Therese was more important.

  
The girl was curled in a corner between two walls, her hands tucked between her hair, hiding her tear-stained face.The first thing Carol saw was the bruised fingerprints on the slender wrists, the shock made the food bag in her hand go down to the floor, the sound causing a startle in the youngest.

  
She was so desperate that the idea of calling the police did not even cross her mind.

  
Slowly she moved closer to the shrinking body that trembled, the sound of her footsteps making Belivet cringe further against the wall. Perceiving that, Aird stopped and tried to call her by her name.

  
"Therese, it's me, Carol."

Carefully she took another step. "You remember we agreed that I would come tonight, right?"

  
She wanted to simply run over to the girl and hug her, but she knew that would only scare her more. For the first time in years she felt her mouth dry and her tongue doughy, not knowing how to act.

  
Her words did not seem to have any effect on the girl who was still in the same position, her shoulders trembling slightly. Decidedly the actress slowly walked over to her, kneeling as she was about six inches from the youngest.

  
Slowly she let the tips of her fingers touch the girl's elbows, almost in a fondness, but even that was enough to cause a reaction of utter awe at the youngest,that with a tearful sound threw a kick at the height of the thigh of the actress and tried to move aher way with her hands.

  
With no alternative, she gripped Therese's arms, but when her hands rested on the marks left by that repulsive man, her stomach contracted and she immediately ran her hands over to Belivet's face, one on each cheek, the girl's skin was cold.

  
Lightly she made the photographer look at herself, her green, hazy eyes showing no sign of recognition, as if her own mind had trapped her in a place untouched by all that.Her thin lips were stained with blood, but there was no telling who the viscous fluid belonged to. The actress's thumbs wiped away the traces left by the hot tears that still wet her face.

  
"It's all right" it was logical that was not, but nothing more than a primal need to comfort the woman in front of her went through her head "I'm here with you."

  
For long minutes she just stood there, pulling the brown strands of her clear eyes as she talked to Therese.The place where she had been kicked throbbed, as did her knees against the hardwood floor, but at that moment none of that mattered.

  
Slowly the sobs subsided and Carol could feel her breath catching, until a glimmer of recognition passed through her green eyes, and Belivet let her hands cover Carol's on her cheek.

 

The actress did not know what to do, but judged that involving the whole body of the younger with her was not the ideal, so she just got up and let the photographer choose whether she would accept the help or not.Even standing the girl still seemed to disassociate so the blonde just guided her to the couch and went to the kitchen to bring a lukewarm milk.

  
Her anger made her want to break the glass with the white liquid, the vein in her throat throbbing at the thought that all she could do at the moment was to take that glass to Therese, as if it could help in anyway.

  
The photographer was now lying on the couch, her arms enveloping herself, hanging between sleep and lucidity. Carol sat down on the floor beside her, watching the woman in front of her trying to understand what exactly had happened.

  
Her T-shirt was hopelessly crumpled and relaxed on the collar, the first button of the jeans unbuttoned, but the second and the zipper, pooperly closed. 

  
"He did not make it to the end if that's what you're wondering," the voice trailed off, her eyes almost completely closed "I've learned a few things since my father."

  
Aird had never in her life felt so floorless in all her life, and as a tangle formed in her throat the only thing she could do was watch as Belivet shrank further, as if shielding herself with her own body.

  
"My angel" the voice came out almost in a thread as Aird brought her fingers to the trembling mouth, her eyes burning just like her nose.


	9. By her lens she sees by a new perpective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So,here is a new one,and see the end of the chapter for notes,please!

Carol spent the night on Therese's little sofa.Her anxiety was such that she only left the sleep take her as the first rays of sunlight made their way through the plastic blinds.

Her desire was standing next the photographer watching her sleep all night long,but whenever she made mention of caressing her brown hair or even arranging the blankets over her resting body Therese trembled.Not wanting to make the whole situation worse, the actress turned off the cell phone that played incessantly and resigned herself to staying in the living room.

The actress rose slightly confused when a strong smell of coffee hits her nose.With one hand on her head, due to the severe pain she felt from the terrible night's sleep, she went to the small, yellow-walled kitchen.

Therese had her back to her, the clothes from the previous day causing shivers in Carol's spine.

"Therese" she called softly, almost a whisper.

"We need to talk," the photographer said faintly as she poured two cups of dark, sugarless liquid.Her expression was indifferent, but Carol still could see the current desperation in the green irises.

"I could not agree more with what you just said, but I do not want to pressure you to"

In silence the brunette picks up a crumpled sheet of newspaper, which Carol remembers to have seen momentarily as she entered the apartment the night before, and extends it over the wooden tabletop.

The blonde's eyes widen at the sight of a screaming matter with the words: Carol Aird, once again experiencing what the world has to offer? And just below the dark letters was a photo of the day she'd met Therese, the moment chosen for the photograph was when the hands of both were intertwined.

"Sensational nonsense" she tries to touch the youngest arm,but she walks away "you know what I really want to talk about"

"There's nothing to be said other than the need to distance ourselves, I do not want to damage your career, and you know you can not afford being photographed with women unfamiliar with the media.This is not the first time rumors of this kind have come about you."The green eyes, which first diverted their attention from the ground, are more serious than Carol ever thought she would see.

The youngest one finishes her coffee in a single swallow and after leaving the white cup on the sink she leaves quickly of the room. Carol rises and follows her in a apprehensive way.

"I'm going to take a shower, I have a busy day"

"Therese please, you can not pretend nothing happened yesterday and just use a silly thing that I do not give a fuck to get away from a serious matter.We need to report that bastard, not to mention the last thing you told me, you can not ask me to forget it in a magic trick. "

"So, you think denouncing Richard, a man with an absurd number of contacts and in a world that is admittedly full of male privileges, will do any good?!" Carol doubted she had seen someone so deeply outraged. "At most I will gain five minutes of attention as an attention whore and soon I will be forgotten to live alone with my own shame.Also, you should be taking care of your career and not entering life of a random photographer you met for lack of option".

The disgust in Therese's eyes was so great that it made Carol frightened.The little monologue of the younger one left her mute for a few seconds.

Therese threatened to leave the room they shared again,because of this Carol started talking,organizing furiously the flood of thoughts that invade her mind, her hands moving quickly and disorderly.

"You say that I must take care of my career, but the truth is that I'm tired of having to hide my sexuality to continue receiving invitations to large-scale movies,the truth is that I don't care anymore, I'm fucking tired of all this shit.Besides,now it's different from when I was just a lost teenager in this hell that's New York when you are an anonymous who makes small appearances in bad movies cause that would allow you not to starve".

The photographer's eyes were wide, she had never imagined that one day that actress she was so admired about could have been in the same place as her.

"I may have known you in a somewhat random way, but I have come to care about you, even if you do not find yourself worthy of that importance,that's why I'm here, asking you to talk to me about it,only because I care about you.You can not continue to swallow this flood of bad things as if it would never affect you.Do you think I do not notice how tense you are always? Or how the tips of your fingers are always about to bleed because you can not keep them away from your teeth for a fucking second? "The younger woman hid her fingers under the sleeve of her coat.

As much as Carol's tone was of an unimaginable tone of concern and affection,Therese's arms were firmly folded across her chest, and her lips were nothing but a thin contracted line.

"I promise to stay with you in every moment if you decide to report it, but I can not force you to anything, I would never force you to do anything."

"You're already forcing me to have this conversation!" Unable to keep herself in one place she walks around the room, her hands in constant motion."You're nothing but a stingy actress with a heroin complex!" The phrase leaves the actress's throat in an acute tone.

Therese's face was totally red-faced, and she seemed to be on the verge of tears. At that moment she resembles a little wacky but Carol can not blame her for that, not now.  
"I just want to be here for you, because I realized that for some reason, I care, more than I would like".

"You do not realize that you're talking exactly like him, do you?!I do not need another person who thinks it's they right to fuck me just because gave me something or told me something." She swallows hard and covers her face with her hands.

"What you accepted from me was given because I wanted to give you, without expecting anything in return, so believe me when I say I would do anything not to see you like that."  
"Why in the fuckinh hell are doing this for me?!That's what I can not catch,there’s no explanation for such a thing”.

“Darling” she started slowly “I already told you that I simply care about you,but if you need another explanation, I was a young woman triyng to grow in industry made up most of men,and like you and others millions of women,I was not an exception”.Carol now had all the attention of Therese, who slowly calmed down. "My case was not so serious like yours,but was terrifying, and I promised for my elf that I would never leave someone have to go throught this alone”.

Even if she continued to tear off small skins from her lips when she bit them, The brunette was considerably calmer.

"I did not know".

"There was no way you could know".

Seeing that the woman in front of her still was hopelessly shaken, but already breathing in a normal rhythm, Carol suggested: "What do you think about taking that bath you said while I do something to eat?I'm sure you do not eat for a long time". She repressed the urge to run her hand under the younger's arm. "But if you want I can promise not to be here when you get out of the bath, even if that is not my desire".

The photographer nodded and scratching the back of her neck, hard enough to leave marks, headed toward her room.

As soon as she heard the bedroom door shut, Carol went to the kitchen and started looking for something she could use in some recipe, but she found only frozen or canned foods,all smelling chemicals.

Sighing resignedly, she grabbed her cell phone from her back pocket as she tried to remember the exact number of the restaurant, turning the phone on for the first time in hours, and encountering a frightening number of missed calls from her consultant.

Once Therese was still in the bath, she decided to see what had caused such an uproar.

The cell barely touched once before being answered.

"What do you think you're doing?" She did not get a chance to say something before Patricia's strong voice hit her,she almost could see the littles wrinkles forming on the woman's forehead. "How many times do I have to tell you to keep your women stories in secrecy?! Do not you remember what happened years ago?"

"I remember." Her chin jerked involuntarily, she was fed up with it."But going deeper into the details that you did not mind asking, I'm old enough to stop this masterful stupidity and decide what I do in my life without thousands of men in suits hiding behind a desk deciding until even the cadence of my next breath".

Before Patricia had the opportunity to respond she hung up and her attention was called by a small message notification with the name of Debbie stamped.

“Honey,Tell me you know what you’re doing”.

And as she listened to the sound of drawers being closed from Therese's room she hurriedly answered.

"I don’t. I never did”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that at the moment we are having more conversation than actions,and some people may think that it is a boring stage or something like that,but I think that it is really important for the development.  
> I also want to thank you'all for comenting,all very sweet and important for me, and for continuing reading.You'all makes me want to write more and more.  
> Until next xoxo ❤︎


	10. By her lens she sees a confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this may be very triggering for some,so please be warned

The water was warm enough to leave belivet skin red and the smell of red fruit emanating from the soap filled the entire bathroom,she would normally find it delightful and allow herself to relax, but not today.

  
Her head was spinning with the innumerable thoughts that dominated her,among them was the desire to open herself to Carol, even if only the simple idea of that made her want to hide forever.The thought that when she opened herself to someone she would become weak and insufficient still dominates her, along with the fear of being once again entering in a dangerous territory with a person not wholly known.

  
With increasing despair in her chest she closed the water register and took a thick white towel to wipe herself.

  
Therese came into the kitchen while Carol,again, declined a call from one of her attendants.She wore a dark tank top and light shorts, her hair was damp, creating little spots on the top of her blouse. It was the first time that Carol seen her not entirely covered in clothes.

  
“So,food?”

  
“How can I do something if the only thing you have in this house are products for photos and frozen food?” she asks with a amusement tone.

  
“Yeah,is kinda hard sometimes”all the nervousness she felt was vividly apparent in her body.

  
"I was going to order something, I know a place that delivers during lunches, some preference?"

Would you mind deciding? I never know what I want."

  
"I can do it this time, but the next time the choice is yours."

  
Therese shrugged and sat down under the counter, rubbing her hands assiduously.Aird's attention was readily drawn to the silvery lines of different thicknesses that marked both the thighs of the younger,she did not have to ask to know where the scars came from.The gesture did not go unnoticed by Therese.

  
"You desire me?" the tone of voice was sharp, even if still surrounded by a certain shyness.

  
Carol approached with a serious look on her face, letting her hand rest on youngest knee.

  
“I can not say that I don't".

  
“So, why don’t you get me?”she slowly moved her legs aside in an invitation for Carol to fit in, but the hands that leaned against the marble shook slightly.

  
It was obvious that Therese feared that the older woman would heed her request; she seemed to be doing it just to test her or simply to cause enough discomfort for Aird to give up on all that.

  
The actress approached until she could feel the photographer's hot, quick breath on her cheek and slowly moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue.

"There is nothing that would please me more than follow your request and undress you here and now" she slid her red fingernails through the beginning of the thigh of the younger, cutting the contact in a few seconds. "But not today, not when you find yourself in a vulnerable position. So I would appreciate it if you stopped acting that way when the mere fact of having my hand caressing your thigh is enough to make you look like a terrified puppy".

  
Belivet sighed, she felt her face reddening knowing that her behavior was not the copy for an adult woman.

  
"I started this bad behavior when I asked my mother for help and she ignored me, you know, to preserve the marriage" she seemed to choke in disgust, her gaze fixed on a random spot on the wall, as if say it and face Carol at the same time was an impossible task "You know, no one needed to know that her husband besides alcoholic still abused her 14-year-old daughter".

  
Carol pursed her lips and took her hand to Belivet, who made no move to keep away.

  
"I don't know if you would like to hear the details, in fact, I don't even know if I could tell all the details, but the important thing is that when I turned 16 a teacher discovered verything".

  
Aird felt a cake build up in her throat, but she remained silent, since Therese seemed completely composed to open herself to her.

  
"It was the beginning of winter and I came home from school when my mother was not, don't think that her presence would have made difference" a laugh of derision left the thin lips. "I was in my room when he sneaked in and locked the door behind him, I already knew what was going to happen and as always, I tried to go against the full weight of his body on me.In a short time he pinned me to the bed, I did not scream, I was ashamed that anyone would discover that."

  
The effort she made to pronounce each of those words was clear.

  
"He was drunk as usual, but I had never seen him upset like that.Normally he would only order me to be naked and leave after caressing me a little, but that day something should have stressed him, that huge heavy hand pressed my neck until breathing was an almost impossible task and my members not obeyed me anymore.My head hurt as much as the bites he left on my body ".

  
She pulled the tank top to reveal a scar almost nonexistent of teeth marks and Carol felt the air missing momentarily. The older woman looked at the younger face, finding nothing more than the purest anguish in the green eyes.

He did not mind undressing all as the way he liked, nor did he ask me to show myself to him, that day he just pulled my jeans enough to fit in there.After that I'm not really sure what happened, but the fact is that the next day I woke up full of marks. He had always been very careful not to leave traces, but I think that day the alcohol messed him up.I washed myself until I felt the skin tingle due to friction with the sponge and went to school, everything ran normally but this" she pointed to the scar on her shoulder " started to bleed and when I went to the bathroom clean myself, a teacher saw me and made me tell everything. "

  
As soon as Belivet finished the sentence the bell rang and as if she was just talking about the weather seconds ago she asked Carol to answer while she set the dishes in the room. The little hands were shaking slightly and she had a lost look.

  
Understanding that the younger one needed that little time with herself to re-establish Aird did everything mechanically, terrified, and returned to find a couple of plates and cutlery, side by side, on the small coffee table in front of the sofa.

  
"After that," the photographer continued as Carol sat next to her, opening the packages. Her knees were touching and Therese made no move to move away, the actress took it as a gesture of trust "I was under the tutelage of the state and when I was 21 I was kicked out of the orphanage, so I decided to come here to try my life".  
She quickly finished her monologue and filled her mouth with more food than necessary, indicating that whatever else there was in that story would not be said, at least not by her.

  
"Thank you for sharing this with me." Carol lightly squeezed her knee.

  
"Now that you know all this,can I ask you a favor?" The photographer wiped some sauce of her lips with her fingertips. The older woman nodded attentively, and she continued "Even though I still have recurrent crises, if you still want anything with me, I like to ask you not to treat me like a victim."

  
The blonde precipitated a phrase that was cut by the younger one.

  
"Let me finish. I know that sometimes I look like a teenager who can not deal with anything, who continued to fall into abusive hands, perhaps because of a mental condition, I know that my panic attacks are evident to anyone, but I am very proud of having managed to get here by myself, even if it is not much, so I do not want you to treat me with pity.if I shared my life with you, it was just to you see me as an ordinary person who like everyone else has a story, and not as a helpless child who needs help. "

  
"Therese Belivet, from the day you finished all your work even with me doing my best to terrifying you, I was sure that you were everything but a weak and helpless child" and there was the condescending smile.

  
For the first time that day Therese smiled, even if shyly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts


	11. By her lens she sees a invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!So, i'm kinda struggling with some really important test nowadays and that's the reason why I didn't updated the story last week.  
> But I promise that I will endeavor to give this story to y'all, since in my calculation are only missing 4 or 5 chapthers.  
> Besides that I would like to thanks everyone for the sweet supor and I hope y'all enjoy the todays chapter .

The rest of the meal was accompanied by pleasant conversations, and soon the tense climate between them was nonexistent.Suddenly Carol looked at her.

"Earlier you had talked about being busy, did I disrupt your work in any way?"

Therese laughed lightly before answering her.

"I work as a freelancer so I do not have a rigid agenda or things like that, I just said that in one last desperate attempt to get you to leave."

“Do you still want me to go?”

“I don’t think so”

A tender silence, for the first time comfortable settled between them.

"Actually" the brunette started "I should be asking this since your phone has been ringing incessantly"

"Do not worry about it, it's just a little bustle over that picture of us in the restaurant."

"Should not you be worried?" Therese asked, starting to pull the little skins around her nails again.

As the first tiny drop of blood spurted from her thin finger, Carol wrapped her own fingers around her cold hands to make the youngest stop with that bad habit.

Belivet stared at the gray irises that looked hot as the hands that encircled hers.She did not know if that gesture would calm her or make her heart despair even more, but at least she was certain that butterflies sprang up in her stomach.

"I'm 44, do not you think it's past the time I should worry about headlines, whether they're true or not?" the photographer half opened her lips to answer but the actress continued, "besides, it's not like I'm going to get many more job offers at my age, we women have a time-validity in the entertainment industry."

“Don’t say such a thing!” Therese was exasperated, but deep down she knew that what the woman was saying was true.

The actress stretched her body on the small sofa, letting her bare feet rest on the small coffee table in front of her,one arm supported her head while her right hand still enveloped the younger one, the grip loosely enough so that she could pull away whenever she wanted.

"I think after all this I got the foot tip I needed to do something against all this shit" the green eyes gazed attentively at the rapidly moving rosy lips "As soon as I can, I'll organize a press conference with other women who want to talk about what the rat's nest needs to hear for a long time".

"When you talk like that, I wonder why you turned out to be an actress." Carol stared at the brunette intensely.She had noticed that gradually the woman was coming close,very slowly,but she thought best not to comment and let her decide for herself her own moves.

“I was young and looking for resolutions everywhere, so come live here ,where all the spot lighs were, seemed a good start to change the world”she sighed "I do not deny that being here and having the privilege of having all this contact with the incredible world that is art was the best thing that could have happened to me.Moreover, I have lived all feelings in different ways and with all the intensity that only those who live in art can feel, and this made the idea of repent never dare to pass through my thoughts ".

Belivet looked almost amazed at the woman beside her who seemed lost in memories.

"But whenever we plunge headlong into anything we pass through beauty and wallow in the ugliness, and with me it was no different.The idea of taking all those incredible worlds and experiences to anyone out threre would awaken an unequaled love in me, but what happened behind that made me want to regurgitate out of myself any remnants of this world".

Aird awoke from her reveries as she felt a slight squeeze on her thigh. Curiously she interposed her gaze between the hand resting on her leg and the unsure eyes.

“I’m so sorry”

“Don’t apologize for things that are not your fault”.

A dense silence fills the room, Carol subtly traces a line over Therese's jaw, and as she pulls her brown hair away, the memories of the first time they see come out in her mind, a smile appears in her countenance only to disappear when she noticing the small purple marks that still mark the neck of the youngest. The anger she feels about Richard makes the veins in her neck visible.

"I did not want to be forced to say this name so early but I do not think I have any other option" Belivet's body tightens, she knows what's to come but even apprehensive she does not distance herself from Carol. "What do you want to do about Richard?" All the gentleness leaves the silver irises and the small wrinkles that appear on Aird's nose when she pronounces the name leave no doubt to her opinion as to what should be done.

An intense blush takes the face and the chest of the photographer.

"I'm not sure if reporting would do any good, you know he has contacts who will do anything to cover the case." The uncertain movements of Therese hands indicated that ideas were boiling in her mind. "But at the same time I'm afraid that if I keep quiet, he'll do the same to some other girl.

The tiredness that all this caused in the younger was visible.

Once the silence settled again Carol stood up in search of a sweater, the thermal insulation did not seemed too good there.Opting for a wool sweater that belonged to the younger, and still had the sweet perfume impregnated, she went to the window and opened it, lighting a cigarette after.

The actress released the first spiral of smoke, one hand resting on the window sill as she heard light strides behind her.

"But anyway, regardless of being taken seriously or not I could not live with the possibility of another woman going through what I went through knowing that I could have avoided".

As soon as Therese stood on the window ledge Carol stared at her long, a smile formed only by the lips drawing her face.The thin hand with short fingernails slid through the rough wood and joined the right hand of the blonde.

The wind shook the confused wires of Belivet, and a small white grain struck in her neck, melting slowly.

"It's snowing," Aird commented, amused by the chill that ran through the youngest one because of the icy touch against her flesh. The cigarette hung from her fingers, burning in the air.

At this comment the eyes of the youngest widened.

“Everything okay?” the blonde one asked worried.

"I forgot to fix the heater, it's been failing for some time now," she shrugged as if it was just a matter of fact.

A burst of laughter erupted from the older woman's throat and she stared at the silence woman next to her.

"Sometimes I wish I knew were your thoughts are” Therse just smiled so Carol continued "You can spend the night at my house if you want".

A discomfort ran through Belivet, she did not feel good at first times going to completely unfamiliar places, even if it was with Carol, not to mention that a crowd of reporters would be parked at the front of the older woman's house.

“I don’t think I would like it,but if you want you can stay here,I have enought blankett for us.

“I don’t belive that you want me to frozen till death”a fake look of outrage ran across the older woman's face.

“Don’t worry, I will warm you".


End file.
